Rant

I used to write stories with my wandering imagination. Thoughts of places I had wished to live in, the life of the people I had wondered to live, what are their thoughts, what do they feel everyday? So I invented a fictional little life that was revolving around only in those papers. Honestly, writing felt like being God. God of this little life I was creating with black ink on blank white paper, and a touch of wild imagination. It was up to me what that life would be, how the people looked like, what their thoughts are. It was like magic, being lost in my living, but dead creation.

But I started to live real life, not that I lived a fake one before. I felt love, or at least I thought I felt it. It was a complicated thing, and when all my thoughts had been filled with only that one person, it felt magical and surreal. It was't quite unfamilliar, as I was easily attracted to guys even since before I still wrote my life-but-dead creation. But this was different. He filled my whole 24/7, and my imagination was almost replaced by thoughts of him, and of us. 

That was when I started to write poetry. All of my thoughts, that are now of him and us, all of my real feelings (this creator's feelings; not the feelings she created on her little life) were poured into the blank papers, stories replaced by poetry. Even when I was mad, or filled with lust, or having other unnamed complicated feelings (e.g.: wanting to be one with the sea, feeling the pull of the waves, that feeling when you look at the gray sky [but it wasn't sad], the relaxed feeling of listening to electronic indie music, etc.), I write. But I write poetry, and it is my activity closest to therapy. 

I don't know if my ability to write imaginative stories and life plots is still there, but I am comfortable now in writing poetry about my real feelings. 

Because I personally think poetry doesn't have to make sense. Call me stupid, but great poets write linguistic complicated poetries which I don't recall to understand, and therefore makes it non-understandable: it doesn't make sense. It makes sense to other people who have a high rate of intelligence, but to us teenagers? It doesn't make any sense.

So when I write poetry, as long as it expresses how I feel: possibly too tired / angry to think, which resulted in poetry with no metaphors, just straight thoughts at the time, or vice versa, then it is poetry to me. Because I don't write poems in terms of other people's enjoyments in my writing, no. I write poems as a a way to express how I feel, in my own words, and being so much more free. Freedom to speak; in this case, to write. 

But overall, all I was trying to say is that I love literary. Not the heavy ones, just the light ones. Literary is my therapy, perhaps the thing that keeps me sane everyday. The kind of literary I am interested in nowadays, as you have read, is in poetry. But I used to write stories, and even now I am writing a rant about my love in literary. Well, cheers.